Lyrics

So what was left we left to rest

And left of center in my chest

You left a bit of lead behind

But never mind

‘Cause in the shadows of the setting sun

The setting seemed alright

Yeah in the shadows of the setting sun

The setting seemed alright

So what was lost I could not seek

For all the searches for the fragments of your heart had left me weak

But in the shadows of the setting sun

The setting seemed alright

Yeah in the shadows of the setting sun

The setting seemed alright

I tied my tongue into a knot

I turned my stomach into one amazing rock

And let it roll down that pile of our memories

Remember when you reappeared

where I had needed you before

And when you did

I couldn’t bring myself to need you anymore

So there you were but oh

There really was no handle to this door

And didn’t we always

Take it in turns

Now never mind that well

You barely ever minded anyway

Except those times you knew

That I was not sure I could stay

When all your light, light-heartedness

Had weighed me down once more

And every time it did

I came out graver than before

Before I must have been a girl

Before you, I suppose

But choking on my feels

One day I turned into a ghost

And scared you right away from me

Too vivid my morbidity oh oh

Fear me

Fear my sadness, love

And feel me

Feel my sadness please

And feel my fear

I need you near me

It’s been so long, now all the songs

I wrote to you pile up into

A monument of lows and highs and lows

And all those times you messed with me

It seems you got the best of me

For you remain the place my mind will go

Drug Dreams

Alas, they are a thing it seems

You shape the landscape of my dreams

And let me know you hurt me deeply

And let me know I’m not yet free

I met a man at a ball, he was handsome and tall

And had your air of casual disregard

And when we danced into dawn to the silliest songs

He took my hand into his as a start

And man, was I on the hook

When he gave me that look

Of not quite seeing me, not quite hearing me

Not quite caring to know what’s underneath

Not quite getting me, not quite letting me in

He kept me close with ease

And all those little notes and cues

That kept me on my toes with you

He handed me in passing and with skill

So there was little doubt that there was

Little to be found for me but pain

And yeah, I kind of craved him still

I don’t regret letting you go

However, let me tell you that

I’m glad I didn’t know

Just how long this shit would take

It’s almost been a year and still

My heart steadily seems to

Break

Now I miss your stupid face and the stupid things you say

I even miss the way you brought me down

Though that’s an awful thing to

Think about the implications

I’ll try not to romanticize those toxic situations

Now I’m really not that weak

And you really weren’t that good for me

But you wouldn’t even know

Cause you couldn’t even tell what toll you took on me so

Every hour of this fever leaves me with a clearer view

And I’m certain that it’s part of getting well and over you

History may say we collided

Setting the stakes way too high

All of the love we provided

Still leaves me wondering why

We tumbled and tumbled and fell

And did this all well as we could

Now be this a sad tale to tell

I’ll know that so much has been good

But I’ve gotta go now my skin

Is getting so thin and so sore

For all of the things I’ve held in

Are creeping to you through

The slits underneath the doors

I know

Reason may argue we faltered

More that our love could endure

Turn after turn left it altered

When were we acutally sure

We struggled and struggled and lost

And grasped every straw we would reach

But now we’re about to greet dusk

The silence has swallowed our speech

And I’ve gotta go now my skin

Is getting so thin and so sore

For all of the things I’ve held in

Are creeping to you through

The slits underneath the doors

I know

You gotta know I loved you so

And tried my best to keep

My love awake for as long as I could

At last though it’s fallen asleep

After we parted you concluded

That the both of us had quite a pleasurable time

How do you think I left you

When I loved you like I did

So what I’m trying to say

I bent over backwards to stay

And surely would have

If you had only refrained

From fucking me up

So deliberately

On so many occasions

If you know what I mean

But you don’t know what I mean

How come you are here

I could not have forseen this at all

I could not have forseen

We’ll tickle the darkness

Now how have you been?

You look sadder still

But was I not ever so sad

I cannot lose myself

I have been lost all too often

It’s easy to dive, but it’s hard to emerge

Lange Zeit fand ich dein Schweigen überwiegend elegant

Weil ich weiß, dass du mit Worten ja im Grunde sehr gut kannst

Aber meinst du nicht, du machst es dir auf Dauer etwas leicht

Wenn du immer schweigst, wenn man dir einen Satzanfang reicht?

Reicht der Rotwein und wenn nein, wie öffnen wir dann den hier?

Gibts im Späti drüben nicht vielleicht nen Korkenzieher? Gehn wir

Fragen? Gut, ich frage. Guten Abend, äh hi

Wir haben nen Wein mit, aber leider nichts zum Aufmachen dabei

Dabei steh ich ein Stück hinter dir, bemüht so auszusehn

Als würd das Planungsmissgeschick auf deine Kappe gehen

Die Leute nach uns grinsen und sie schaun von mir zu dir

Ich mag’s mir vorzustellen, dass sie denken könnten, wir

Wären mehr als nur ein Sublimat

So ne Scheiße, dass du ausgerechnet heute Abend sagst

Dass du Frauen, wenn sie traurig sind, besonders gerne magst

Ich bin bleibefüllt bis oben, doch behalte das für mich

Denn ich bündel dein Begehren gern, aber mit Schwere nicht

Nicht dass du jetzt denken sollst, ich höre dir nicht zu

Aber unterm Herz die Schramme steht dir wirklich richtig gut

Tut mir leid, ich will nur sagen: Nichts zu tun hilft auch nur wenig

Wenn ich uns von außen anseh, muss ich sagen, seh ich

Eh nicht mehr als nur ein Sublimat

Wenn du wolltest, weißt du das?

Hättest du immer die Erlaubnis, mich zu küssen

Wenn das nicht mehr gilt und passt

Sicher gerne, aber erstmal gut zu wissen

Du bist mir so vertraut

Vertrau mir

Ich bau dich auf

Ich glaub dir

Und weiß genau, dass du das willst

Aber die Trauer brauch ich

Ich trauer nicht für dich

Ich trauer nicht für dich

Und ich

Wär nie mehr als nur dein Sublimat

Wir wärenn nie mehr als nur ein Sublimat

That time you shook my hand

It felt a little too nice

I got embarressed

And avoided your eyes

And when you said my name

That felt a little too nice as well

So tell me in a parallel

In a para parallel universe

Would you say my name again

Would you take my hand again

Never let it go again

Honestly, just keep it

Now my friends like to say

I got a bit of a strange taste

And I like the way exhaustion

shows on your face

But they’d agree, I’m sure

It suites your features well

I tend to watch my step

But I’ve been inattentive, I suppose

I fell your you when heaven knows

I did not mean to do

Eine Tür knallt, ich werde wach

Stehe auf, es ist noch Nacht

Meine kleinen Füße schleichen auf den Gang

Wieder 7, wieder Streit

Aus der Küche, wieder schreist du

Dass das alles mein Verschulden sei

Und ich spüre, du hast Recht

Und ich spüre, ich muss weg

Und wieder einmal bleib ich einfach stehen

Denn wenn ich so lange hier stehen bleib

Bis mich die Raufaser einverleibt

Ginge es nach mir, dann wär ich gar nicht hier

Es tut mir Leid

Und ich lös’ mich von der Wand

Und ich suche mit der Hand

Auf dem Boden und auch hinter jedem Schrank

Doch nichts zu finden, nicht ein Stück

Verzweiflung kommt zu mir zurück

Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt, aber sie stirbt

Denn da war nichts

Da war gar nichts

Ein Rest von deiner Liebe muss doch noch zu finden sein

Doch da war nichts

Da war gar nichts

Die Wände kommen näher und ich bin gern mit ihnen allein

Neuer Morgen, nach 20 Jahren

Die Tapete noch immer da

Ich schau mich um und stehe neben mir

Einmeterzwanzig Traurigkeit

Ich will sie trösten, will sie heilen

Doch das kleine Mädchen redet nicht mit mir

When we first met

I marvelled at

The way you seemed to be

Everything I need

You charmed you way into my heart

And I kept telling everyone

How you’re so sweet and kind and smart

But then you changed quite rapidly

Making me miserable at least with ease

At worst some trace of glee

And I was thrown off of my feet

How different you turned out to be

I could not belive I stand corrected though

I did ignore the signs I might have seen

I recognize defeat and the mess that this has been

Did you feel a thing feasting on my heart

Did you feel a thing watching me fall apart

I think you’ll have to get better at playing

Or better for real

You’re so mediocre on several levels

Yet it’s incredible how bad you make me feel

I think I’ll have to get better at playing

Or stop joining in I’ll try not to fight quite as dirty as you

But your blows have got lower

The better I’ve been

So I stand corrected now

I did ignore the signs I might have seen

I recognize defeat and the mess that this has been

If these are the conditions

I don’t wanna play

I don’t wanna play

No, I don’t wanna play

So here’s to repetition

I don’t wanna play

I don’t wanna play

No, I don’t wanna play no

Da da da da da da da

I’m bored, I know that sigh too well by now

You’d thought I might provide

A permanent supply of pleasantries

But those you were denied

There’s no need to be oh so very lazy

Don’t you realize

The nicer things, they do demand some care

But given that you tasted hedonism

Just so recently

You’re ever so unwilling now to share

If my body remembered what my mind pointlessly, yet relentlessly hopes to forget, there would be stretch marks and crouch marks all over it.

One crouch mark would grace my skin for every time I bowed my head or served a man I ought not to have served.Time and again, I ended up saying “No, you’re probably right. Perhaps it’s just me!“, when I knew very well that it wasn’t. For every cognitive dissonance force-fed to me by someone too self-serving and/or oblivious to distinguish between their self-image and actual behaviour. (Leaving me with the emotional labor of discerning between the two, while pretending I couldn’t.)

For every hour of sleep I sacrificed, trying to make an inept man feel less unkind. There seems to be a rather unique form of resentment in the eyes of a man who is certain he deserves better feedback.

If my body remembered what my mind pointlessly yet relentlessly hopes to forget, stretch marks would cover me, from my neck to my heels. For every social event prior to which I spent too much time in front of a mirror, trying to finally become beautiful enough that the man would be nice to me in front of his friends.

Said friends were neither kind nor emotionally well adjusted themselves, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have to try my hardest every single time, so I guess… oh, never mind.

A thousand stretch marks would have lined my skin that night I overstretched my spine well enough to receive the approval and subsequent affection I had been so desperatley striving for. It resulted in the sobering, though perhaps foreseeable, realization: “Oh shit, this isn’t actually love, is it?“

If my mind remembered what my body pointlessly, yet relentlessly hopes to forget, I might never crouch nor stretch, ever again.

I have liked being your friend for long

But you can be so mean

And just because that’s just occasionally

It’s not okay with me

I don’t really care you say

You’re meaner to your other friends

The point is that you do not even bother

To try not to be or ever make amends

Oh-oh I’m done complaining

You’re highly entertaining now

Oh-oh stop pretending

There’s gonna be no happy ending

Oh-oh I’m done complaining

You’re highly entertaining

I prefer the company of people

Who are kind to me

I have liked being your friend for long

But lately i have found

That I do need to get my guard way up

Whenever you’re around

I have done my part

And told you I was hurt

But you don’t seem to mind too much

So I will save my words

I don’t know how to be your friend right now

I don’t know how to be your friend right now

I don’t even seem to belong with myself right now

No, I don’t

Tell me how to get on normal terms with you again, again

Shouldn’t this be solid and strong

I wonder where we went wrong

I cannot see a single tree for the woods

I don’t know how, I don’t know how to be your friend right now

Wo-o-oh we are entirely okay

Nothing whatsoever changed

Aren’t you glad we feel this way?

Wo-o-oh we are entirely okay

Nothing whatsoever changed

I’m sure glad we feel this way

Please stop looking at me, oh, like I am weak

I’m not, you see

Shouldn’t this be solid and strong

I wonder where I went wrong

I cannot see a single tree for the woods

I don’t know how, I don’t know how

To be your friend right now

Wo-o-oh we are entirely okay …

My swallow’s gone flying and I’m not denying

I wish I could grow so much as a feather

My swallow’s gone flying and I’m not denying

I wish we were soaring the skies together

Why’s it that absence continuously

Outlines the bodies of those that I love?

Why is it that repetition compulsion

Tempts us to evermore lose what we lost?

I lost you, I lost you

I’ll lose you again in my dreams

Have you heard the tale of the swallow who

Flew higher than all the others

Wings wider than all the others

It’s gold to know your goal

If you wanna go places

I will be alright, I will be alright

I will be alright someday

My disasters come and go

And they’re not all i am but they’re a part

This is no emergency

No this is no emergency

And yet it can be hard

Anxiety is creeping up my sleeves

And i can’t sleep and i can’t move

This is no emergency, no this is no emergency

The morning comes to prove

I’m not here to wait this out Walking in a roundabout

Of your denial and my doubt

If i will be alright

I will be alright, I will be alright

I will be alright someday

It’s all a bit fucked up right now

But it will be okay

On motorways we ride as I realize

That most people strive to stay alive, to be alive

The roots that grow beneath my feet

Don’t always seem to reach as deep

Into the ground as I’d need them to do

But at this very moment I feel pleasantly connected

To it all due to the fact that

I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out

My lungs pass on the oxygen

Right to my blood, my heart makes sure

It’s running through my vains

And as a result I am able to fear

That if we crashed into that bus

We’d no longer be here

He was so tall, so tall

So why’d he be afraid at all

But when their gazes rested on his face

He’d cringe and seek the gaze of the wall

And then a choir of ten

Socially weird ones began to sing him a song:

“Fear is caring, fear is kind

Fear is mercyless and nothing but mercy

Fear is caring, fear is kind

Fear is brutal and crucial and cruel

And fear is allright.”

His puns were fun and bright

So why’d he every single night

Stay by himself and by the bookshelf

Instead of hanging with the kids he liked

And then a choir of ten

Socially weird ones began to sing him a song: …

Don’t you know you are supposed to be

a leader of men

But instead your sweaty hands

Keep on clicking that pen

Don’t you know you are supposed to be in command?

The boy who lived carried a scar

Telling a tale of endless pain and love

We’re gonna be the hopefull ones

Because we’ve seen the dark

There is a core that was not altered

By the sorrow you’ve encountered

We’re gonna be the hopefull ones

Because we’ve seen the dark

The understanding of pain

Is gained on the inside of pain

I like Sundays and I don’t because

On a regular basis I get lost

On a Sunday afternoon

I take a pen and draw a line around myself

Because the shape of who I am

Seems unclear to me today

Particularly unclear

 

I take a lot of walks by myself these days

And that’s allright cause I like to be alone

And I need you and I don’t

And I need me, oh I do

And I will continue to-o-o-o-o

And I’m sorry that I’m growing out of needing you to fully understand

What pains me most

Cause you don’t and I suppose that that’s ok

These socially instutionalized losses of control

Tend to make things happen, tend to make things roll

Make you ten times better, make you ten times worse

But if we met today, I don’t think we’d meet that way again

Wanna know what you want, wanna know what may be

Let the night and the buzz come unwind you a little bit more

You’re so far away, far away, far away

 

I’m so sorry, you’re so sorry

So are wine and beer

So are all the others, all the others, Dear

Make them ten times better, make them ten times worse

But if we met today, I don’t think we’d meet that way again

It’s very nice up here, have a try, have a try

And only in the morning we will have to say good-bye

Once upon a time there was a kingdom of such glory

where a gorgeous little princess saw the light of day

And her mama held her oh so, held her oh so,

her mama held her oh so close to her heart

Happily they could have lived ever after and some more

But the second born came in and called out war

There’s no blank space for you to fill

so won’t you step away?

There’s no blank space for you to fill

so won’t you step away from us, my Dear?

My body and mind try to hide from the lights

That reveal every crack in the things that are imperfect

We will be the ones to learn that this doesn’t work

By the rules of capitalism

My discombobulated mind has been told a thousand times

That the more I improve the more I’m going to be loved

Ain’t every heart supposed to be a revolutionary cell?

Ain’t every heart no matter what a revolution in itself?

I wonder if and don’t mind if not

You realize there’ll always be a little spot

Inside my heart that’s got your initials on the walls

You… you make my heart go round and round

For you… Make it go round for you

The park bench on the balcony is waiting very patiently

For all the sunny places it is meant to see

This day is black and grey

The sun is shining, never mind

The flowers you have found me on the way are way to nice

The insurence society is not prepared for you and me

A sick and sad-faced generation studying philosophy and arts

Why does this feel tragic and how did you fall apart this time?

How did you fall apart this time, why would you fall apart this time?

How did you get to slow your mind before it went to far?

 

The city is an awful crowded place

But there are ways not to be here

You take the bus, you take the train

And yet the monsters will remain

See this society is not prepared for you and me

A sick and sad-faced generation studying philosophy and arts

He’s been sitting on this tree forever
And he sort of hopes the wheather’s gonna stay
As misty as it is
And some bees fly by and wonder why
It took him so long to make some conversation time
It takes a day or even two
To find Winnie The Pooh inside of you
Trying may be good, but ain’t succeeding?
All the time he has been pleading for the sun
To float into his lungs

It’s been a while and I feel fine
Is that ok, please?
I guess I could care less, as well as more
See, I don’t feel like going for
The pain you might cause me
If I gave you again power
Is power the word that I need?
You’re so sweet, you never speak in categories like these
So tell me how you think this works
You text me everytime you feel?
Are you for real? Did you forget who cut the line
May I remind you who it was?

And you say it’s alright, there’s no need to be afraid

But I am, but I am, but I am

And you try to ease my mind

Which a rhyme you have read on a pad calender

March 29

And you say that it’s best to let go of what you love

But I can’t

And who can by the way, who can easily say

I don’t mind if you leave, though I’d love you to stay

Trapped in cages that they call our bodies
I’m falling in love with the idea of fading away
I’m far too massive and my flesh disgusts me
Perhaps it’s best to disappear oh take me away
I need to be less and I need to let loose
I need to spread sex whereever I cruise
Trapped in bodies that are judged by pictures
of anorexic girls for Vogue, I’m fading away
I don’t deserve not to diet, nor to bitch or to riot, I’m supposed to be great and up to date
Otherwise I’m gonna be replaced by these images that chased me into this cage

Once upon a time in a summer’s night
There were two fools sharing excuses for not
Being faithful and true
Some more nights went by and they had a try
Being truely uncommitted to each other
And the world seemed kind of new
Do do do do do do do do do… If there’s anyone I want to know the mess that I am it’s you
Once upon a time in a winter’s night
There were two fools sharing the promise to be faithful and true
Some more nights went by and they had a try being
Truely well committed to each other
And the world seemed kind of new
Do do do do do do do do do… If there’s anyone I want to know the best that I am it’s you
Once upon a time in a summer’s night
There were two fools on the phone
Feeling extremely alone

Ev’ryone I talk to tries to find
New ways to commit without being hit
My heart was broken
I can’t focus on the books I’ve got to read
Make this pain disappear, make this bleeding stop
This is not the fun they told me it would be
I don’t know what I need cause I want so much
I want bodies and closure, I want your touch
I want safety and pure, honest tenderness
I want you to want me, I don’t want nothing less

It takes some courage to cast off and I’m afraid, my Dear
It takes some courage to cast off, ain’t that profound?
It takes some courage to cast off and I can barely get my feet to touch the ground
Now I sit here with my nervousness and all the little ghosts a sailor knows
It takes some courage to cast off that I will grow, my Dear
It takes some courage to cast off, ain’t that profound?
And I can barely get my feet, oh oh, to stay in touch with me and on the ground

It was a morning like any other morning
I looked into the mirror, it said„Damn Queen, you look good.“
I said „Thank you, any news?“
It said „Well, indeed, there’s a new girl in town..
She supposed to be very very pretty quite nice
And even pretty witty
Her hair so dark, her skin so light
They’re calling her Snow White.“
Mirror mirror go to hell
Fuck yourself and fuck your spell
I am better off without the things you tell
I’m so fed up with being compared
and comparing myself to the rest
I’m so very sick of figuring out
who’s the fairest, the smartest, the best
I’ll burn her hair, scratch out her eyes
Until she cries no more
That sneaky little whore is stealing what was mine
I bet she’s feeling fine
Why is it always such a fight, is it always such a fight, is it always such a fight?
What are we fighting for and why, are we fighting for an why, are we fighting for and why?
I have not fully figuered this out, but I doubt it’s a very healthy game to play

 

Give me a reason to feel like I’m home
Give me a reason to feel
Give me a reason to unpack my bags
Give me a reason to feel
This town keeps being too big for my little emotions
This town keeps being too loud for my quiet inside
And all I ever can hear is the white noise of the rush
And yeah, I do see the beauty in that